I bet you do not know how it feels to be a young man with fingernails this long. I swear, it’s one hell of an experience. You are sure to get a reaction whenever you meet someone. You first watch it play out on their faces. The faze. The horror. Trust the generous ones to give you loads of unsolicited advice and opinion.

I have been that guy for many years. This is a thread of the craziest reactions I’ve gotten so far. Just sit tight while I walk you through it.

1. How do you wash (do laundry)?

My dear o, I first sort the clothes according to their colours. This is a very important first step. After sorting, I dice the clothes into little cubes, starting with the jean shorts. By this time, my palm oil should have bleached. I then begin frying the clothes.

Werey. How else am I supposed to do laundry before?

2. Ashawo!

How on God’s green earth do long fingernails equate to ashawo? I don’t get. Somebody should help me understand. Abi are my nails fake? I no see client anywhere o. Am I a joke to you people?

Una no de quick talk, make person no go miss en calling.

3. Did you fix them?

Ah ahn! Do you even have to ask? Of course, I fixed them. Can’t you see my eyelashes? See bumbum sef; I fixed it too. Or you thought my natural nyash was this big?

So I will go and sit down inside salon and start fixing nails. Which kyn depression go cause that one?

4. You be witch?

I don’t even know how to begin answering this question. What if I told you I was a witch? Like, for real. What if I tried to convince you? You go believe me?

So, why ask stupid questions? You just want make person talk, make e be say I don insult you, abi? Even if I be witch, I no fly go find Jeff Bezos’ blood. Na your blood wey be mixture of serum, ogogoro and garri I wan de drink. No sha annoy me today o.

5. I love your nails. Can I see them? Awwn. And they’re neat. I can’t grow mine; they always break. They’re beautiful. Give me 2k na.

Ole! Barawo! Onye oshi! How? When? What is this magic?!

I was smiling o, unto say I don see beta person. Fine young lady like this; yellow and fresh out the oven. And she loved my nails. I don already de hear wedding bells. Next thing wey I hear na 2k.

Shey you don ever see Dangote with long nails? Don’t you know this is a sign of poverty and joblessness? If I get up to 2k for account, I never buy plot of land for Ikoyi, build bungalow for my mama.

Avoid me, please. 😑

written by Di MadWriter

_{Did you enjoy this? Let me know in the comments. If I get enough positive feedback, I’ll do another one on my crazy afro.}