The fear of losing out, gaining the circle’s approval, climbing hard over the mountains, but yet ending up a sore loser…

It hurts that you sold yourself. It hurts that you bought a lie. It hurts that you struggled so much only to end up losing.

You can’t accept this defeat. You can’t take the pain. It hurts so much that you’ve failed miserably at masquerading a smile.

Depression throttles you as it would naturally. Rage seeks to gain an expression, but you’re torn apart and worn out. Your energy is sapped, and your strength fails. Whether to nurse the wounds or launch a vengeful campaign, you know not what to do. You’ve been rendered powerless. The circle shredded every ounce of you, leaving you empty, weak, and unable to fight.

Now, you whimper, sulking in your tight little corner, lying like a crumpled mess. You know you’ve lost it. You mourn your old self and all the lost things you’ll never regain. Regret slowly descends on you as memories of yourself, going up in flames on the circle’s altar of sacrifice. It’s vivid.

Broken pieces of the mirror litter the floor. You can’t bear to look at the shards. A glance reflects an unrecognizable face, and your heart starts to hammer against your chest. Your body tenses. Tears threaten to well up in your eyes, but you know well enough that none of the threats will be made real. A river of tears will not sail you back to the very beginning. Besides, crying takes up energy, and you can’t muster any. You tear your eyes away in disdain from the ugly form you saw on the shard.

You find comfort in the thought of dying off, hidden from prying eyes. This will have to do. You will wait. And you’re waiting to be pulled into the comfortable arms of death. That’s the only soothing pill you can take. You’ve already declared enmity with fear because you’ve got nothing left to lose. He who is on the ground does not fear a fall.

_{Rhoda Oluwatunmise Crown is a young creative writer who also enjoys writing inspirational articles. She’s a student at the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, Osun State, Nigeria. A content curator, fashion enthusiast, and clothier, Rhoda loves to explore the magical worlds of creativity.}

_{When she’s not writing, she buries her nose in a book or behind her phone’s screen.}

_{You can read more of her writings on her Facebook}